Divorce

 

Divorce

There are lots of words in this world that people don't want to say or hear,

 and divorce is one of them.

But sometimes,  divorce is the absolute best option.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not an advocate for divorce. I am an advocate for trying your hardest to make your marriage work. But sometimes continually trying to force something together that clearly doesn't belong together ends up doing more harm than good. I know from personal experience.

sometimes what attracted you to someone changes over time. Maybe these reasons are shallow. Maybe they're deep. Maybe they're serious. Whatever they are, sometimes you need to let go of the baggage to be a better person or a better parent. Your children know you're not happy and may act out. Your parents know you're not happy. Your friends know you're not happy. And if you've exhausted all options, it's time to part ways - hopefully amicably.

Marriage is a vital cornerstone within the Islamic tradition in that without strong marriages our communities become weak and unable to stand. There are Prophetic traditions which state that marriage is half of religion. Due to this emphasis on marriage, we tend to speak about it at length, we ruminate over its benefits, its high status in Islam and other Abrahamic religions, and we also passionately discuss the roles of genders and how best each can work to preserve marriage. However, in doing so we tend to neglect to speak on what occurs when marriages do not work. When divorce is discussed, it is most often spoken about negatively, as if to say that the act is an impermissible one, though we know that the religion of Islam made it permissible. This article hopes to give a brief overview of divorce, its inner realities, examples and reasons from both the life of the Prophet(s) and contemporarily, guidance from the words of God with some personal commentary.

 God speaks on the subject of divorce multiple times in the Quran. In some religions such as Catholicism, divorce was a sin and not to be practiced. In Judaism, one finds that the concept of divorce is shunned and, unlike in Islam, there is no textual reference giving women their own form of divorce as is found in the Quran .So why would God speak on this subject? One need look no further than the following verse, “The month of Ramadhan [is that] in which was revealed the Quran, a guidance for the people and clear proofs of guidance and criterion” (Quran 2:185). The Quran is a guidance for all people, at all times and in all circumstances; as such, it would be impossible for God to not discuss divorce which is an inevitable aspect of our marital lives.

 It was narrated from 'Abdullah bin 'Umar that the Messenger of God's said:

"The most hated of permissible things to God's is divorce."
 

When the vast majority of believers look at this Prophetic narration they may now and again arrive at an incorrect understanding that divorce is not only disliked in the religion but that those who practice it are allowing Satan to do as he wishes. What people neglect to understand is that sometimes divorce is a mercy from God. Islam does whatever it can to keep marriages together, to make them a source of love and affection, and a means of attaining the pleasure of God. However, sometimes there are marriages which are toxic, where abuse is the norm and where divorce is advised. It is foolish for bystanders, family, friends and the like to look at this divorce with disdain. Just as a marriage can be obligatory for some and recommended for others, so too can divorce.

 There are cases of men and women alike speaking to their significant other with absolutely no respect, with words unbefitting of a servant of God, sometimes even with physical abuse that leaves not only physical scars but emotional ones. Relationships like this should not go on, they should not happen to begin with but when they do, divorce should not be looked at as a sin, but instead an opening and an outlet.

Why is this important? It shows us that divorce is not something foreign from the Islamic tradition and from the prophetic example. It also shows us that one of the main reasons for divorce has and will always be a betrayal of trust. So how should divorce be done once a man has proclaimed divorce to his wife, how is she to be treated?


God mentions in the Quran that the woman should not be forced out nor should she leave the home. Some contemporary readings may cause people to believe that God is being unjust and causing people to stay in a relationship that is not good for them. However when one delves into the exegesis they will find quite the opposite. For one, God requires that during this time the husband is still financially responsible for her, cares for her needs and provides a roof over her head. More than all of that, is what Imam Qurtubi says about “You know not; perhaps God will bring about after that a [different] matter,” (Quran 65:1). In the exegesis of this ayah, Qurtubi states that this “matter” that God speaks about refers to the power of God to change the heart of the husband from one filled with anger and disdain to one filled with contentment and love.

 Unfortunately, many among us stray from the words of God; where God calls us to mercy .God reminds the believer that upon the divorce the male should not make things difficult for the woman, whether financially or emotionally. Men should not place the women into positions where they are unaware of how to find a solution that is befitting the dignified position God has bestowed upon women. God says, “confer among yourselves in the acceptable way,” highlighting that though you may disagree in certain issues, it is the job of both spouses to work together in a good manner, this is increasingly the case if children are involved which is the example given by God in this particular verse.
 

The benefit, health, spiritual well-being of the child is prioritized, this is not to say as some do that divorce should never be an option when children are involved, that can never be the case. There are relationships in which divorce is a path of mercy and love, or cases when there is a betrayal of trust such as the constant lies and even infidelity of the heart, limbs and even adultery, relationships like this are toxic.

 Relationships where both spouses are constantly looking over the back of the other in an effort to find their faults, to see what sins the other might be acting upon, is not healthy.

 It should be known, and it should be clear that marriage is a divine act, it is a beautiful bonding of two people according to the way of life granted to us by God. However, if and when the time comes that the spouses need to leave the relationship then there should be no impediments and both spouses should be just in how they walk away.

 Divorce is permissible for us as people of Islam; however, it should be done properly and according to Islam. Divorce should not be abused, the rights of both man and woman should be observed and in a world where marital relationships are dwindling day by day, one should pay the utmost attention to the importance of these divinely gifted relations. They should do whatever they can to preserve them, and if the time comes when they should split, then let it be according to the rules of God and His messenger.